Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Ghosts (private)

December 9th 2071, Wednesday
I don't know what is happening with me. I didn't take the whole near death-thing very seriously, but what happened today...I can't just shrug that off. Whistler nearly died because of me.

Let's have some order. We brought the Scrappers back from prison and I took Whistler with me to the apartment where we're staying. That was probably not a very bright idea, with Maggie also staying there, but to be honest I didn't want him out of my sight and I cannot keep them apart forever. Whistler froze when he saw Maggie and he was that close to simply attacking her. I tried to get him to back down, but he wasn't listening to me.

And then a fucking ghost appeared. It sounds so ridiculous written down, though it was anything but in real life. It was one of the Picas I had killed during our attack on them and he tried to shoot Whistler, he seemed intent on protecting Maggie. I had a short moment of dizziness before he materialized and a bit of a nosebleed, not that I noticed at the time. I did my best to protect Whistler, but how do you fight a ghost? We couldn't touch him and there were too many people around to just try and shoot him, although I think that wouldn't have done much good anyway. The bullets from his gun would have been deadly, I'm sure of that.

It was only a question of time before the ghost would get a chance to kill Whistler. I had no idea what else to do, so I yelled at Maggie to talk to him, to tell him that she didn't need protection. She shouted at the ghost to go away and he did. The thing is that I almost felt like she was talking to me.

It seems that I called the ghost. He was like the personification of my need to protect Maggie. I never wanted this to happen, I would never do anything to hurt Whistler. But I had no control over it and I have no idea how to keep it from happening again and how to handle it when it does. I'm scared to death, frankly. I need to find someone who can teach me as quickly as possible.

It has probably cost me Whistler's trust as well. The thing with Maggie was bad enough, but this... He says he doesn't know me any more and I can't blame him. I don't know how to fix this or even if it can be fixed. Maybe not. Probably not. Whistler doesn't trust easily, it took ages for him to open up to me even a bit and now he has shut down again completely.

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